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Fuckin LiveJournal. [15 Oct 2005|10:18am]
So I'm like co-co-co-co-hosting or something a Halloween party. It's probably going to be THE best Halloween party ever. If you read this and have nothing to do on Halloween be my guest and come party with us.

The only catch is it's pretty far away. It's on the NorthSide past Wrigleyville but honestly I think the trek is worth it.

It's a Costume/Dance Party...so that means you NEED to dress up for it and you HAVE to dance. If you aren't dancing we're going to have to kick you out.

If you come you will be guarenteed a good time. A wonderful chance to meet some new people and have a good time.

It's being held on the 29th around 8 and Mike Mockavcak is also having a Halloween party. Since his is pretty much across the street who would want to trek to the city? ILL TREK FOR THE LOVE OF DANCE!

Get a hold of me if you want more info.


2 CutsCut Into Me

...sigh... [20 Jul 2005|10:01pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I love you.

And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends.

And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it.

I love you.

Very, very simple, very truly.

You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being.

And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider.

But I had to say it.

I just, I can't take this anymore.

I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you.

I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels.

I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are.

And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care.

I like who I am because of it.

And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me.

But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down.

And, you know, I'll accept that.

But I know...I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too.

All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds.

Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau.

Because it is there between you and me.

You can't deny that.

Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of. (Chasing Amy)

*Ive been thinking maybe a little too much lately. I need to get my head straight.*...

6 CutsCut Into Me

MidWest Love Affair [11 Jul 2005|07:01am]
[ mood | tired ]

Me and Joshua have been going out for a year as of today. Isnt that crazy? I sure think it is.

I didnt buy him anything. I made him something. So I need to buy him something. What honestly do you buy someone for something like that?

I cant believe its Monday already.

Im tired of everything and Im physically tired today. Boo.

My math class got cancelled so I can eat a normal lunch today instead of eating while driving.

I have an interview at Sears on Thursday. Well see how this goes. Altho I dont think they pay anything higher than what Im making now. But if I start off at 7 thats better.

I got a raise Saturday, it doesnt start until like August 1st. Ugh.

I think my next day off is when I go to Columbia on the 21st. Which then I will have worked 18 days consecutively in a row. I broke my own record.

Its times like these I really wish I went away to school. Imagine if I could afford it (not that I can afford school now) I could be in California at an awesome desgign school, not that Columbias not awesome but still.

Oh Im tired.


17 days until Ohio!

2 CutsCut Into Me

HA! I'm selling myself! [10 Jul 2005|10:50am]
[ mood | amused ]

I am worth $1,380,028 on HumanForSale.com

Cut Into Me

Ahhh. [09 Jul 2005|09:02am]
[ mood | excited ]

Scratch that...

I have a overall genuine feeling of excitement at the moment.


A couple reasons actually.

We're actually for reals going to Cedar Point. And as a wise man once said, "I love travelling and substance abuse". Ha.

Summer classes are more than halfway done with.

Columbia orientation is July 21st but I want to go right now. I miss being downtown everyday.

I miss the religion preaching bums on the El.

I wish I could live down there though. I want to make it a point to live somewhere else than here next year. Here meaning this house. I WANT OUT!

Whether it be somewhere down 79th street or somewhere in the Loop.

I cant wait to start over and meet new people in school. Even thought the theater deisgn classes only have like 10 kids in them because everyone wants to be an actor. Psh.

More than ever do I want out. More than ever. And its not that I have a bad homelife, I rarely see anyone in this house. Its the fact that I want to be fully independant. Im independant financially why shouldnt I be living on my own too.


Im still excited.

Im also desperatly looking for a new job. Im very sick of Kohls. I need better pay. So if anyone knows anything thats hiring I would appreciate it.

2 CutsCut Into Me

Lame. [01 Jul 2005|11:03am]
[ mood | amused ]

Who updates anymore?

I have nothing to say. Things are pretty drab. Just work work work. I have a day off tomorrow which is superb...of course I had to request this off like a month ago but still.

So all day i shall be in my pool getting burned...and then eating cuz i guess people are coming over.

I went out yesterday pretty crazy. Me and a work chum went to eat. We did Nonnas. Which is like 500 times better than Grassanos and from now when the want for pizza arrives Im going there.

We had a lengthy chat and it was just an all around good time.

The next day I have off were going to BoysTown! Excited.

This month Ill prolly have 4 days off. Thats nuts. 2 more than this month. I took the last weekend off in July cuz were supposed to go rafting and if we dont I am determined to plan other things. Like ooh Boystown...AND SIX FLAGS...cuz I havent been there since like Junior year.

Its sad I prolly wont be going to warped tour this year. I dont want to take 2 saturdays off in a row. *tear* Its about the music really cuz the atmosphere sucks and in all reality theres maybe 5 or 6 bands coming to chicago...not many good bands come here on the tour.

Ill cherish the days I have off.

Work blows. Make your parents pay for everything. Youre better off.

Cut Into Me

CAUTION...Dont read...just pointless ramblings I had to get off my chest. [24 Jun 2005|10:36am]
[ mood | frustrated ]

I think myspace is fixed. I dunno. Fuckin Tom.

You know whats the worst?


I have way to much for a 19 year old.

Im like a 19 year old trapped in a 40 year olds body.

The only thing that resembles a teen is the late night partying that happens once a week.
Im in debt. I have bills. ($310 worth a month). I hold two jobs that for the most part arent ideal working situations.

I dont know what Im gonna do once I get back to school full-time. One months bills and my savings will be halfway wiped out.

Im worrying alot about this. Hopefully I can score a job at Columbia so that knock off a couple off tutition. Not that it matters, tuition is like $16,500.

Ive gone as much as comtemplating not going to school and just working full time to save money. But I fear Ill lose my motivation and drive that I have to go to school and I wake up tomorrow, 30 years old, still living here in burbank.

Its not where I want to be. I want out. I would like to be living on my own by next summer. My mom encourages me to move out to get a sense of life on my own. She just doesnt want me living alone. Id have to find a roomate then and theres a fat chance of that happening. I dont have a safety net at home, the only thing i dont pay for is food. Not like I eat all that much anyway. To be honest I dont want to live on my own. Theres a lot of perks to living with a couple of people. Namely the cost of everything is split halfsies/triple.

After June is over I will have had 3 days off. 3 Days off in a matter of 30 days. Thats works out to: 90% working, 10% off. Now how about that shit for a summer "vacation".

Its not that I even mind working every day Ive become used to it and it keeps me busy. I just get really fed up with shit sometimes. Hmph.

Responsibility sure is a bitch.

If you actually read this then Im sorry. You shouldnt have it was just me getting shit off my chest or I would have exploded.

4 CutsCut Into Me

L.G. FUAD [21 Jun 2005|06:01pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

Let's get fucked up and die..
I'm speaking figuratively, of course..
Like the last time I committed suicide.. social suicide..
Yeah, so I'm already dead on the inside,
But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs,
I've learned to love the lie.

I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah
Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves,
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.

(In this department)
Let's get fucked up and die..
I'm riding hard on the last legs of every lie,
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode,
I'm about to explode.
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck.
I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings,
Because I am so visceral, yet deeply inept.

I want to thank you for being a part of my the forget-me-nots and marigolds..
And all the things that don't get old..
Is it legal to do this? I surely don't know.
It's the only way I have learned to express myself around other peoples' descriptions of life..
I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless...

(In this department)
Let's get fucked up and die.
For the last time I'm feeling
we'll try not to smile
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights
That’s no shocking and surprise.
I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end
But I choose to abuse for the time being,
maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.

Just a soldier
You’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame
If I could ever repay you,
I would, but I'm hard up for cash
And my memory lacks initiative.

God damn the liquor stores' closed,
were so close to scoring
it hurts, it destroys til it kills..
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.
(In this department)

2 CutsCut Into Me

THE BEST PICTURE EVER!!!! [19 Jun 2005|10:09pm]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com




Cut Into Me

Want you to me to take me to the H take me to the O [18 Jun 2005|11:02am]
[ mood | artistic ]

Yea. I havent updated in awhile.

Nothing too exciting going on.

My first week of summer school is over. Not as bad as expected.

My COM101 teacher is awesome. Hes almost up there with Special K. I said ALMOST.

Chilled and had some fun with the CJ yesterday afternoon.

Got work tonight 5-9 (at least I dont have to close and if they ask me to Ill take em down).

Then partying it up. Fuckin SlapJack and Deuce reign again!

Work tomorrow too same hours. Bullshit. Whatevs I think its time and a half cuz its Fathers Day. So hopefully that means its slow and we get out early.

I have almost $400 in my checking account. Bills come next week. Sweet!!

I had downloaded the Faint awhile back but never listened to them. So Ive been listening to em the past couple days. And I enjoy them.

Thats about it kids.

I made Josh THE best card to give him on our anniversary. Fuckin georgous...Haha, Ill take picture and post em later.

Im gonna go eat some pizza...

Man I ate alot yesterday. Its cool tho. I dont mind.

Cut Into Me

I cant fuckin stand it when your around. [14 Jun 2005|11:10pm]

This is mine and Josh's Psuedo HxC picture. HA! Our crew is red. We punched the air and "picked up the change" a few times. But since they were really napkins we couldnt breathe.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

3 CutsCut Into Me

Im rotting away. [13 Jun 2005|11:18am]
[ mood | calm ]

I dig the Green Light Special.

Check them out. For reals!

Saw 5th Wall...ha they sound the same as they did 3 years ago.

Also saw a band called True Story they were good. The singers voice was m-azing.

First day of Moraine was today. My English class is wonderful. So fun. The teacher hilarious.

As for Math well I dont know. It was cancelled on the first day. Fuckin Morons.

Im tired of work. Gosh.

A black man winked at me at school today. Sorry Josh...Im going to have to leave you. Hehe. Love!!

1 CutCut Into Me

Make Out Kids Never Had A Chance To Be Best Friends... [11 Jun 2005|08:44am]
[ mood | needing a shower ]

New Motion City Soundtrack is quite good.

New Finch is pretty decent. Havent heard it all, but they sound different.

New Aveneged Sevenfold! Indeed and it's also quite good. So Sexy.

A/C is getting fixed today. Isnt that grand and I won't be home all day but for like 5 minutes after work.

Hopefully work is busy cuz I dont think I can take 7 1/2 hours at that place. Not today.

Cut Into Me

At least I think Im better than you [09 Jun 2005|01:13pm]
Both Finch and Motion City Soundtrack have new cds out. Im not really sure what to think. I guess Ill take a listen.

Jess has a day off tomorrow.

I burned myself soo bad on the soldering iron today. Yet I dont tell people I just wince in pain.

This weekend is shaping up rather well. Should be fun times. Working all freakin day Saturday but at approximately 730 pm the fun shall begin.

Nothing has been going on. Just work and more work. And heat oh geez the heat.

Me and Josh have just been sitting inside watching movies and eating ice cream the past couple days.

On a lighter note, my AC is broken! Its gettin Saturday I guess. Its ok I can deal with the heat. My sleeping attire is now underwear and a sports bra. It keeps me cool.

I gotta go back to work. Booo!!
Cut Into Me

Seriously. [07 Jun 2005|12:04am]
[ mood | on fire, crabby, tired, red ]

I hate retail I really do.

People have no respect for anything and Im looked at like scum and that thier obviously higher in power than me.

Some lady yelled at me and threw her stuff down cuz it was my fault she couldnt read a damn sign.

Im in an ass kickin mood.

My crotch is gonna bleed in like 2 days and Im just not a happy person.

I have to be up at 7 tomorrow for work.

School starts Monday. 8 weeks of joy. And Im actually gonna miss a couple days of school. Oh shit Im being a freakin rebel. I didnt miss one day of school this past year. But that was cuz missing a day there was missing 3 weeks worth.

I have sunburn and its 800 degrees in Kohls so i look like a freakin tomato.

Im in a bitchy mood.

2 CutsCut Into Me

[30 May 2005|08:01pm]
Well I havent updated in awhile. I had an awesome weekend cuz well I had 3 days off. Cept today and now I work 11 days in a row. Fuckin asses. Only to get one day off.

Well lets see. Thursday night, a couple of us went to Nikkis to have a bonfyre. Twas fun. Then we went back to her house again on Friday. I got intoxicated. Me and Sara had fun we called some people. I have pictures from the event but I dont think I want to post them. It was really fun. At one point I was crying because Josh got mad at me. Nikki bought me some food to sober me up so Im gonna pay her back for that shizzy cuz I had no idea what was going on. Jay also had fun sizing up our boobies and asses. Hahaha. I smoked half a cigarette that sara lit for me. That was gross. It was a really fun night and hopefully we can do it again sometime and I didnt piss too many people off. , but I wont booze it so fast to get wasted within an hour. I got some good finds this time being drunk. Last time I was it was at my house so I didnt get to take anything. I took a Spanish English Dictionary, a couple marbles and a ink marker pen thing that I gave back to Nikki and when she turned around I took it again...sorry. So Ill give it all back next time I see her.&
Saturday I dont remember what we did but we went to see Star Wars which I fell asleep for like a 1/2 hour. But I woke up for the end and it was really good.

Sunday was Josh's sisters grad party thinger so I went thier and ate too much food cuz thats what the Lazarus' do to me. Its all about food in that family. But its sooo good too.

Yes so today I had work it was a long 7 hours too, but time and a half makes things worth while.

Also, the last weekend in July, Josh's cousin is going on a rafting trip just past Green Bay and its $50 a person. Any one can go. You pretty much just have to bring your own food and a little bit of money if you're gonna drink. The rafting trip is Saturday and its 6 hours long. Its gonna be pretty kickass, so seriously. Find $50. And come with us! Im not even joking on this one. &

I also cut my hair and dyed it brown. So heres a couple pictures of that.




Image hosted by Photobucket.com

My kickass Rockstar glasees. That are 87 times too big for my face.





2 CutsCut Into Me

Memories like the corner of my mind... [24 May 2005|10:54pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

I miss softball soooo much. I miss the sand in my mouth and my knee flesh on home plate. I miss messing up easy plays and getting durty just cause.

Pete broke my calf and Josh gave me whiplash.

I wanna play again tomorrow.

We could totally be like the sandlot...only with Terrettes. And the random encouragements to run you fat f*cker.


3 CutsCut Into Me

All Things Awesome Part Deux! [23 May 2005|06:15pm]

A while back like a real while back before me and Josh were going out we had this deal going, I would make him an awesome poster and he would make me an edible name tag for work. Needless to say I never got my name tag but he got one hell of a poster. (Which is not even half as good as this one). So I finally gave it to him and it got crumpled and stepped on by CJ in his car last summer. But he still hung it on his wall. I had a an ingenious idea to go and make him another one. One that was BIGGER, BETTER AND MUCH MORE AWESOME! And that I did. I can safely say its prolly one of my best creations to date. HA!! But for reals, where can you get John Stamos with his arm around a hand colored BoohBah with a caption that reads 'the best thing since sliced bread'...nowhere! So Beat that. The fringe tops the whole thing...its the worst fringe known to man. But alas, its not only twice the size but twice the awesome of the last one.


Image hosted by Photobucket.com

*Check out BoohBah.com. Youll laugh for hours...well I did anyway and so did a few others.*

4 CutsCut Into Me

Were the cool regulators smoking CIGARO CIGARO CIGARO [22 May 2005|10:50pm]
[ mood | Ehhhhh. ]

What happened to May?


I start Moron in 3 weeks.

Thanks Kitty. Always got mah back.

I dont work at Kohls till Monday. WTF. At least I have another job or I would punch myself cuz Id go insane of lack of doing anything.

That also means I have this whole weekend off...I need to find something to do.

I dont get weekends off...Any ideas?

Cut Into Me

MY TACO FLAVORED KISSES! [21 May 2005|01:37pm]
[ mood | content ]

I had a dream about Legends last night.

They were like playing a show in my room which is damn near impossible but they did it and like slowly more and more people left the room and soon it was only me dancing by myself but I didnt care and they still kept playing. So after that we were all sitting on my bed which is once again very impossible and we were just chatting away and I told Brian Klemm that I went to Tennessee to see them and hes like what the fuck does that have to do with anything and I was like I dunno i just wanted to tell you and hes like naw fuck that Im going to Burger King...and then they left.

My subconcious never ceases to amaze me.

Gota outta work at 1. Kickass. Sun is shining bright outside...think Ill go for a swim. Maybe or just hang out in the sun. Hot.

Hung out with Pondo and some other kid named Adam and Josh, CJ, and Cat chopped word for like 3 hours. They sucked at it. Was fun tho.

Work tomorrow...3-10. Boooo!

3 CutsCut Into Me

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